Feeling Bad Ass. Yup. I said it.

I am feeling rather bad ass these days. There, I said it. In 8 months I have gone from a blob of gelatinous, aching, middle-aged flesh to an active, reducing-in-size/increasing-in-strength (still middle-aged) woman. I feel SO fantastic. I am now riding my bike an average of 30 miles per week. I take 5 one hour Bar Method classes per week (ok, to be truthful, I just upped my participation to this level a couple of weeks ago). I enthusiastically walk the dog – not that that counts as exercise, LOL! I go to the occasional yoga class. I walk everywhere in my neighborhood. I go to and from the grocery store on my bike. This past weekend I went for an additional 11.5 bike ride with my husband just because we could. I cannot imagine wanting to do that a year ago. Well, no, I might have wanted to, but I would not have been able. I am happy every day. I wake up in a good mood.

However, it makes me angry that I let things fall apart so badly. I can blame no one else. The first two years of what I think of as my epic decline were, for the most part, dedicated to caring for those I love and neglecting myself. At the time it was the very right choice. However, sitting around for a further FOUR years letting my body go to seed was a very, very, very poor choice. It’s hard to recognize your own depression, but I’m pretty sure that’s what that funk was. I have spectacular coping mechanisms and those allowed me to function well on a daily basis, but definitely left me with no desire or energy to exercise. I did manage to diet successfully – over and over.  ;-P

The fact is I have always enjoyed being physically active. As a child I played outside all the time. The kids in my neighborhood walked to and from school (we lived on steep hills), and on the weekends we rode our bikes for miles – no cell phones, only freedom! We played kick-the-can until late at night, hide-and-seek, and ran up and down those hills like wild things. If we wanted a treat – maybe a Slurpee or something – we had to walk downhill a mile or two and then back up. No wonder we were so healthy! It really was an idyllic childhood and I am grateful for it.

Now that I have become more active again I am noticing some nuanced changes in my body. I have adjusted my expectations of change and begun to celebrate the tiny changes. Just this week I felt my rectus abdominus muscles engage fully. They took their sweet time making a comeback, but come back they did! Those muscles make up the center line of the six-pack in your abdomen and when they finally engage it feels like you have the strongest abs in the universe. Mine are still buried under 6 inches of flab, but they are there and they are engaging! It is a victory. My waist may be making a reappearance…it’s too soon to tell, but it feels like that is happening. The belly bulge is now fully lifted – it only took 8 months, but I did it. It’s still there, but it no longer spends time in my lap. Go ahead – laugh! My arms don’t jiggle anymore. My skin seems better all over. I attribute this to both increased circulation and dry brushing. (Learn how to do that here: Dry Skin Brushing) These changes my not be visible to anyone but me, but they are monumental and hard earned. I really work for it.

The other day I was talking with Helen, the owner at The Bar Method in Berkeley. We were talking about appreciating changes and how, no matter your size, you can appreciate the changes that the exercises are making. Helen and I couldn’t be of more different body types (I think I make 2.5 of her), but as an instructor she really understands how bodies change. I made an offhand, joking remark about the appearance of fitness and she made a very lovely remark: “Neither of us is not fit.” That really made me smile. All day.  

Something else has made me smile all week: the other women at The Bar Method. I have gotten to know some amazing people there. Students come in all shapes and sizes and come with the same level of dedication. We are happy to toil together to make changes in our fitness and overall health. These women are of all ages, all levels of fitness, and all types of bodies. Several of them have paid me amazingly kind compliments this past week. To a couple of lovely ladies who have commented on my youthful appearance, I say this: you are too kind and I cannot take the credit. I owe it to my parents for their genetic contribution. Here’s a picture of my mom and dad at 81 (Mom) and 86 (Dad) at Halloween. I kinda got lucky.

I still feel incredibly fortunate…there’s much good in the universe if you just let yourself appreciate it.