So, I’ve been watching this show called “My 600 lb Life” which shows people who are morbidly obese undergo gastric bypass surgery. The people on this show choose this path because if they don’t they will likely die at an early age from complications due to extreme obesity and immobility. The patients’ lives are chronicled on camera – so the audience sees the choices they make after surgery. Some patients are very determined to change. Post surgery they take eating changes seriously, incorporate exercise as they regain mobility, and start to make other lifestyle changes that should guarantee their success. Then there are the other patients…the ones in denial. This is where I pay close attention.
Some of the patients on this show make no changes whatsoever. Tonight I watched while one woman kept blaming the surgery, the doctor, the universe for her lack of weight loss post surgery. She did not blame the fried chicken, butter and gravy drenched potatoes, potato chips, ice cream, and other poor choices. She bullied her husband into enabling her. It made me sad – I know food addiction is a real thing and I know denial is a real thing.
Some of you have been reading this blog. Many of you have known me most of my life while my weight fluctuates from super fit to super flab. Although I prefer my super fit body for all of the groovy things it can do, I am not much into self-loathing, so I try to accept myself as I am. However, when I started to write BlubberBlabber, I promised myself that I would be critically aware. The ways I lie to myself are subtle, but they impede my progress.
For the longest time I gave myself credit for “exercising” if I took my dog for a walk. He’s a bulldog. On his best day he could walk 2.5 miles; I have never walked him that far. We have never walked faster than a slow meander. But boy, I couldn’t wait to pat myself on the back for that effort…because it was a big effort for me then. I also lied to myself that I was generally more active than I was. I have lied to myself about how much and what I actually eat. Oh, and for a while I was eating the movie-sized Jujyfruits. Yeah. By myself.
In 2013 I promised myself that I would get truly active. I started riding my bike, taking Bar Method classes, and going to yoga a bit more often. I walked instead of driving. All of these changes resulted in reduction in size, but not in weight. So I took my diet in hand – got back on Nutrisystem. Lost some weight, stuck with my new exercise regime. I have to say I was feeling very strong and the lifestyle was becoming habit. But then, one very, VERY stressful day in May 2015, I twisted my sacrum. The pain from this injury was excruciating and, sadly, the only course of recovery was rest. Six weeks mostly in bed, months of very slow stretching. Using the lift to get into the public pool because being in the water, weightless, was the only relief. A million aspirin and nine months later and I am happy that I can walk 5 blocks to meet some friends for dinner. It’s now a thrill to go for those meandering walks with my bulldog because now it really is exercise. I have lost most of my fitness, and gained back every pound. While I am back at the starting point, I have renewed my promise to myself to be honest and aware about food and exercise. And, once more, I am determined. Here I go...again.
