“Do you know you have a weight problem?”

Recently, my husband were invited to a party. As ever, I was in a quandary about what to wear. My son’s college graduation was a few weeks away and I had purchased seven (yes, 7) dresses to choose from. I finally settled on one I loved. As the graduation got closer, I realized I had lost some weight and needed a smaller size (insert joyous jig here!). That smaller size arrived the day before the party, so I thought I’d give it a trial run. As Everett and I left the house I felt attractive and happy.

We arrived at the party and started enjoying ourselves and, at one point, I decided to go spend a little time with our friends’ elderly father who was sitting alone. We engaged in some general conversation as he is experiencing difficulty with memory, and that lasted about 5 minutes or so. Some other friends arrived and I stood to greet them and this man spoke in an incredibly loud voice to me and said, “Do you know you have a weight problem?” and then to my husband and friends, “She has a weight problem. Do you see she has a weight problem?”

I wanted to a) punch him, and b) push the “Omega 13” button, and c) well, tell him off. None of these were options. I am sure I blushed, but I turned to him and said, “Thank you so much for telling me! I wouldn’t have known otherwise.” He reiterated his claim and, at that point, I just had to walk away. Several times over the course of the evening one of the friends who heard the whole thing felt she had to bolster my confidence. I appreciated that she wanted me to feel better and know I was beautiful no matter what. It was kind. However, the man’s remarks – no matter his mental state – revealed more about his nature than my perceived shortcomings. His remarks did not make me feel bad about myself, because who I am is constant.

My weight is something I can change…something I am changing. It is something I suspect will continue to challenge me throughout my life.  At the moment I am on a downward trend. I have gotten the portions under control and I am ravenously devouring vegetables. I drink so much water that I had to change my garden to a drought tolerant model to compensate for my consumption! I continue to bike and go to Bar Method classes with continued dedication and enthusiasm. I’ve been helping my son move back home (the college graduate!) which means lots of reorganizing the attic and lifting of heavy things. I feel strong.

I read an interesting article about BMI – Body Mass Index – today. Clearly, as it stands, BMI has never been a good way to measure lean body mass. I remember once when I first started teaching aerobics a woman said to my employer, “Why do you let a fat girl teach aerobics?” To his credit, my employer came to my defense and explained that I was definitely not fat. He threw down the gauntlet, too. He arranged a body composition test that included both caliper and water immersion testing. I had 11% body fat to her 25%. That shut her up. But here’s the thing – she had a smaller frame and probably wore a smaller size than I did, so she assumed she was in better condition. That’s why – even now – I don’t worry too much about BMI. I know my lean muscle mass is increasing and, as the fat slooooooowly melts off, those lean muscles are being revealed. It’s actually quite cool to experience.

It seems, too, that women are rising up against the machine. We are not going to let the beauty standards of the fashion industry dictate our personal beauty or self-worth. Companies like Title Nine are using real life women to model their athletic wear.  Sure, those women are in seriously good shape, but they represent a healthier perspective. Dove has the “real women” campaign that celebrates diverse body types. Women are blogging and starting companies that cater to a broader range of sizes. Things are changing. It is cool to eat healthily and exercise. I know I make an effort to make plans with friends that either include us playing or moving together, or, at least, get me moving to get to the meeting place. I don’t want to have to think about exercising – I want it to be naturally incorporated into my daily life.

Well, speaking of moving, it’s time to go cook up some veggies.