Healthy Eating is time consuming!

So, it’s been 3 weeks since I made a conscious commitment to healthier eating and I must say that I spend much more time in the kitchen! The fruit and vegetable prep alone take 45 minutes a day. In the past I have pre-prepped all of the veggies and fruit for the entire week on Sunday, but I find they feel less fresh when I go to eat them. The way I am doing it now requires me to think – multiple times per day – about what I am actually choosing to put in my body. Now I understand one of the components to my repeated failure at losing weight: I get lazy about food prep. It’s really, really simple to grab something prepared and pop it in the oven or microwave, but then you have no control over the ingredients. I am not sure I will never choose prepared food again, but I am one step closer to understanding how I might succeed in the long term.

Too glamorous for mundane tasks...

                I know my mom didn’t like to spend time in the kitchen. She was such a talented human being and she was regularly preoccupied with her latest painting or sewing project or writings. To her cooking was an interruption in her otherwise interesting day. I do not claim even a quarter of her creativity, but I fully embraced the “cooking is a chore” attitude. It’s funny, because holiday meals were more of an art project for her and the results were delicious and beautiful. I, too, make really terrific holiday meals and I work on them for days. So…I guess the challenge is to start viewing each day as a day to create a delicious and nutritious meal.

               Selfishly, as I am trying to gain control of myself again, I am not cooking for the rest of my family. I feel selfish because, somehow, I feel like my love for them should extend to their healthy eating. However, Collier works in the restaurant industry and eats there most days and when he’s home he already eats responsibly. My husband, on the other hand, makes some poor choices due to work stress and when I make healthy meals for him he eats those AND something else. I feel defeated and frustrated about that and, often, I let that frustration trigger me into overeating. So, no meals for the men until I feel much improved.

               Another odd thing I have noticed is that I am now very reluctant to eat outside my home - I worry I will make poor choices or overindulge. I read an article about “orthorexia” – which I don’t have, but the symptoms include fear of eating outside your control zone. A week ago we had dinner plans with family from out-of-town and, honestly, I was a little panicked before we went. But guess what? I made an awesome dinner choice! I chose a meal with lots of veggies and a yummy pickled egg. Dessert came and I had ONE spoonful of a chocolate budino. It was the perfect taste to complete the meal. It was encouraging to be able to enjoy a night out AND come home feeling good about what I picked. It really is one meal at a time in this process. One meal at a time. I can do this.

Dissonance.

                 I had to shop for groceries today. Both Trader Joe’s and Safeway lists were adhered to strictly. Loads of produce, eggs, fruit, and vegetables made the cart along with some meat, poultry, and fish. It was the poster for healthy choices. So, as I am walking through Trader Joe’s past all of the breads and pastries I think to myself, “Oooh, babka! I can’t wait until I finish my diet so I can eat that again.” Then at Safeway…”Wow. White cheddar popcorn. Yum. Have to lose the weight first.”

                Poor choices and excessive portions (even of healthy foods) are my Achilles heel.  I am great at dieting. When the will power kicks in it sticks and I am able to lose significant amounts of weight. I have lost multiple pounds over the past 10 days. I have stuck to strict portion control, high protein, low carb. It feels great. I am sleeping better already. But I will reach a weight that feels comfortable and I will stop dieting to allow my body to acclimate to a smaller size and increased activity. That’s when I am in danger.

                I have to think about the fact that part of my dieting success is that I do not snack. No matter how hungry I get, I don’t eat except at meal time. I don’t munch while watching television. When I prepare a meal I am conscious of the ingredients and the size of the portion. I take the time to prepare food – something I forego for convenience on a regular basis. When not dieting, I often eat based on emotional choices and to satisfy cravings without thinking about the sheer need for fuel and nutrition.

                I’d like to think that I can change the way I think. I have had, in the past, lengths of time (years) where my weight has been stable. I’d like to find that place again and stop putting my body on the constant roller coaster. I’d like to figure this out before I do serious damage to my health. I would like to change. Wish me luck.

I HAVE NEVER FAILED AT A DIET

Here’s a fact: I have never failed to succeed on a diet. When I commit to weight loss I exhibit a steely resolve to eschew all foods not included in my current plan – whatever that may be. This past Monday I found that steely resolve again.

My 55^th birthday is coming up, and, frankly, I don’t feel 55. I feel young and vibrant. I want my insides to be reflected in my outside ability. Spending the last 9 months recovering from the most ridiculous back injury in the universe has taught me one thing: if I do only one thing this year it must be lose the weight that is stopping me from being me. It feels awful to me to be incapacitated by my own weight – brought on by repeated poor choices.

I have to say that it is very nice to be fit and at a normal weight. But it is also possible to be fit and healthy at an above average weight. I have been thin exactly twice in my life. Once when I was on a mission to wear a size 8 (on my giant-boned frame), and once – for a long while – when I was teaching aerobics 12 classes per week, working 3 jobs, dancing all weekend, and going to college. Being thin is way too much effort for the life I enjoy. But there is no reason I can’t get to a decent weight and reasonable fitness that allows me to walk long distances, hike our beautiful hills in the Bay Area, ride my bike, dance with my husband, take classes I enjoy, and just generally not feel like crap all day. I’d like to be around for a long while and it’s no secret that movement is critical for longevity.

                So, I started my most recent weight loss campaign on Monday. I am down several pounds and this time I know it isn’t water weight because I drink so much water all the time. This time it is actual poundage. My strategy is to diet off 20-30 pounds so my hips don’t hurt anymore when I am awake or asleep (it’s already improving!). Once I am there I will plan another strategy.

                I feel like I need to protect myself, too. My son, while living at home, is pretty independent and good about making meals. My husband will definitely cook for himself, but I worry about his choices. I am trying to set a good example without taking on the responsibility for his choices. One of the ways I lose focus is to cook for others when I am trying to stick to a plan – I start with tastes of things, then “well, one meal off plan won’t hurt,” and then it’s doughnuts.  So, I let the family know that I have to focus on me. I’ll still shop, but I am less inclined (slightly less) to bring dessert items and snack foods home. I definitely won’t have my trigger foods in the house – sorry Salt & Vinegar chips people…

                Anyway, the plan is to stop hurting and then go from there. Let’s see where I am in a week.