Dissonance.

                 I had to shop for groceries today. Both Trader Joe’s and Safeway lists were adhered to strictly. Loads of produce, eggs, fruit, and vegetables made the cart along with some meat, poultry, and fish. It was the poster for healthy choices. So, as I am walking through Trader Joe’s past all of the breads and pastries I think to myself, “Oooh, babka! I can’t wait until I finish my diet so I can eat that again.” Then at Safeway…”Wow. White cheddar popcorn. Yum. Have to lose the weight first.”

                Poor choices and excessive portions (even of healthy foods) are my Achilles heel.  I am great at dieting. When the will power kicks in it sticks and I am able to lose significant amounts of weight. I have lost multiple pounds over the past 10 days. I have stuck to strict portion control, high protein, low carb. It feels great. I am sleeping better already. But I will reach a weight that feels comfortable and I will stop dieting to allow my body to acclimate to a smaller size and increased activity. That’s when I am in danger.

                I have to think about the fact that part of my dieting success is that I do not snack. No matter how hungry I get, I don’t eat except at meal time. I don’t munch while watching television. When I prepare a meal I am conscious of the ingredients and the size of the portion. I take the time to prepare food – something I forego for convenience on a regular basis. When not dieting, I often eat based on emotional choices and to satisfy cravings without thinking about the sheer need for fuel and nutrition.

                I’d like to think that I can change the way I think. I have had, in the past, lengths of time (years) where my weight has been stable. I’d like to find that place again and stop putting my body on the constant roller coaster. I’d like to figure this out before I do serious damage to my health. I would like to change. Wish me luck.