VOLLEYBALL. OMG!

When I start to lose weight in earnest I get very energized.  I feel floaty and positive seeing the numbers go down and the clothes fit easier.  It makes me want to participate fully in life.  Saturday was the annual picnic some friends throw.  It is a gathering of musicians, long-time friends, new people, kids, dogs…all races, all professions, all ages.  It’s the best picnic in the world.

Every year the gathering includes a ton of really delicious food.  The hosts BBQ all the meat – chicken, ribs, brisket – and the guests bring the side dishes.  You never know what will be there, but it’s always good.  This year I brought fresh fruit because a) I had it in the house and b) it was a sunny day in the woods.  Fruit seemed like a good idea. Did I mention that there is also lots of sangria and other adult beverages at this party?  Yeah.  Temptation central.

Saturday marked a wonderful departure for me.  I went to the picnic having eaten a healthy breakfast and I immediately saw people I hadn’t seen for ages.  I brought my water bottle, kept hydrated, and filled it several times. There was so much chatting going on at first that I forgot about food.  Then someone mentioned volleyball.  It was Katherine.  She saw that there was a net set up on the field below us that no one was using so she got a bunch of us to go down.  Mind you, I do lots of things with Katherine, but I hadn’t played volleyball with her (in 25 years…weird) and I didn’t know she loved it as much as I do.  Anyway, a pile of people went down and we got a fun game going on the grass.  Sadly we were kicked off the field by a cranky diva, but everyone was so into the game that we moved it to the sand volleyball courts.  OMG.  We played so hard.  There were even some bloody injuries (I got one!  Wahoo!), but no one was seriously hurt.  It was SO MUCH FUN! I texted my husband who was home working on garage things and he was inspired to come up to join us. We made some new friends and got some great exercise.  I think we played well over 2 hours when you add it all up…and that is a monumental calorie burn.

The best part of the day for me was that I could do it.  I was a sweaty mess, but I was laughing and playing my best.  I made a couple of cool new friends and now a bunch of us are determined to get more games going.  I am looking into getting a volleyball set so we can take it on the road.  And you know what else?  On Sunday I woke up after a great night’s sleep and suggested to my husband that we take a long walk – which we did with our dog.  It felt great, too!

My reward? Well, it really is feeling good about moving again.  But ELEVEN AND A HALF POUNDS DOWN is a pretty cool one, too.  ;-)

Do you want to succeed on your weight loss plan?

I wrote this entry when I was doing Nutrisystem a couple of years ago.  NUTRISYSTEM WORKS.  It worked for me.  It works for thousands of others.  What happens is that after Nutrisystem many of us think we have reached the finish line and never have to diet again…so we start eating the wrong foods in the wrong portions and we stop exercising.  The weight comes back.  It isn’t Nutrisystem’s fault.  It is ours.

Here is what I wrote…before I failed again.

“I have been on NS since October 17, 2008. That's 27 weeks. I intend to lose about 80 pounds. So far I have lost 43.5 pounds which is about 1.6 pounds per week. Some weeks I lost 4, some I lost zero. Sometimes I stayed the same for weeks on end. There were days I was frustrated, days I was hungry, days I wanted to cheat in a BIG way. But here's the thing...I just stuck with the plan. I drink 10-12 glasses of water each day. I exercise most days - at first it was walking the dog more often, then I increased to walking faster alone, now I run and walk the dog and do Pilates. It's amazing how much better one feels without the excess weight. I eat on program - whether it is actual NS foods or substitutes that fit in calorie/fiber/carb/protein-wise. I keep my portions in control.

No, I don't think I'm perfect. I have consumed about 8 glasses of wine in the last 27 weeks. I had a small hot fudge sundae on vacation and a piece of baklava. There have been pizza bites. I still forget to eat sometimes. Occasionally I long for foods I know are not good for my health. I know this will always be part of my life, but I also know that being conscious of my eating behavior will ALSO always be part of my life. And I know that losing this weight is going to be good for my heart, mind, joints, and other organs. Plus I am going to look better and have more energy for fun things.

I get cranky when I read about new members who are ready to throw in the towel after 3 days or a week or two. I want to scream when I hear about people who don't eat all of their prescribed calories for the day - STARVATION IS BAD - you won't lose weight if you don't fuel your body. How long did it take to put on this weight people? I didn't wake up one day with 80 pounds to lose. I woke up and REALIZED I had 80 pounds to lose that had crept on over months and months of poor choices. I have to stop myself from commenting when people say they are almost 100% on plan except for that case of doughnuts they ate. I get irritated when the first blogs of new members include questions about how to include regular drinking of alcohol, the "special" event cake/pie/meal/buffet/whatever dispensation, etc. I don't comment because I am not intolerant, but I am flabbergasted. Why does anyone purchase NS if they don't intend to follow it to the letter?

NS is NOT the way you ate to get here. NS is the way you SHOULD eat if you never want to be here again. If you are doing the NS program, then you have realized that you need help. Maybe you are the person who prays for guidance...well, this IS the answer to those prayers. Maybe you are a person who has failed at other diets, but you are determined to succeed this time. Good. Then follow the plan. Don't look for ways to go off plan...look for ways to include the plan into your life.

I think when we diet sometimes we are ashamed that we need NS (or anything else) to achieve weight loss. Why? Would you be ashamed if you needed medication for an illness? A cast for a broken bone? Assistance for learning? A loan to buy a home or car? No. You wouldn't be ashamed to ask for help in any other situation, SO DO NOT BE ASHAMED OF USING NS TO ACCOMPLISH YOUR GOAL.

Don't let others sabotage your efforts. Pack your NS meals ahead of time. Prep vegetables and salads ahead of time so they are ready to grab. Cut protein servings and put them in baggies. Drink your water. Learn to say "no, thank you" and MEAN it. Get yourself out for a walk or do the DVD at home. Weather is not an excuse for idleness...and if you have a physical impediment there are oodles of "sit and be fit" types of exercise DVDs.

If you feel like you need help, reach out. There are great NS counselors available to you. There is someone on the blogs or in a discussion group who has been where you are at some point. If you're having a great day - or a bad one - you can get love and support here. If you're making mistakes (and we all do) I guarantee you that you will be set straight. Tough love is definitely present. If you don't like someone's blog, don't comment. If you do, show your support. If you feel like a blog is directed at you (it probably isn't) then maybe you should think about why it hits home. I know I am often surprised by what speaks directly to me.

Here's the most important secret to success: BE YOUR OWN ALLY. Be the person you need to support you...the person who makes wise choices...the person who loves YOU unconditionally. Because the sooner you embrace your NS journey the sooner you will be at goal.

Success to everyone.”

I am on track now.  I am not using Nutrisystem this time, but I am eating healthily and in portion control with the help of the online trackers.  Nutrisystem definitely helped me get perspective.  I just need to keep it.

If anyone needs support, reach out to me.  I will respond and I have been where you are. 

Hey, Mom! I've lost 2,500 pounds!

In an effort to find the humor and reason in all things, I pondered a life of yo-yo dieting.  Most recently I have lost 8 pounds…not a monumental amount, but a significant start. Yay! So, I’m in the shower and I think about how I lost the 8 pounds.  Well, several months ago I lost 4.  Then I gained them back.  Then I lost them again. Guess what?  I gained them back again. So, after losing them one more time I thought I was on the right track.  Oops.   Gained ‘em back.  Then I started my blog and my weight “bank” account and am now down a solid 8 (maybe a bit more by now).  So, let’s do the math: 

To lose a solid 8 pounds I actually lost 20.  WTF?  Yeah. 

I dieted off 20 pounds in order to achieve 8.

So, then I started thinking about ALL of the weight I have lost since my first serious effort at 17. It is mind-boggling. Technically, I am playing with 140 pounds up from my lowest weight as an adult.  However, this low weight was unhealthy for me, so let’s add about 15 pounds.  That means I am talking about 125 pounds of unhealthy weight gained over the course of my life.  That’s bad enough.  But when I think about all of the successful dieting I have done, I have lost that weight 20 times over.  That is over ONE TON.  In 10 pound increments, repeatedly. No exaggeration.   The thought of that sickens me to the core and I could just cry.  I am an intelligent, educated, successful woman…how could this possibly happen to me?

I’ll tell you how:  I eat too much.  I eat when I am celebrating, I eat when I am stressed, and I eat when I am bored.  I don’t eat when I am sad, but I am rarely sad. I do not exercise consistently.  I have a million reasons.  No excuses, but real understanding of what I have done. I gained significant amounts of weight when my son needed surgery, when my parents were dying, when I was recovering from personal tragedy.  I sat still…no walks, no dancing, no mat exercises…for very long periods of time.  I worry…a lot.  And when the time comes to deal with the thing I am worried about I meet it in a fat, unfit, uncomfortable body. There is something inside me that makes me think if I go very unnoticed by the universe that it might mitigate the trouble ahead. I have learned that is not true. Trouble comes and trouble goes regardless. 

IT IS TIME TO CHANGE NOW.

I want to lose the weight one last time and keep it off.  Meet future challenges with a fit, healthy body. 

Who else is on this path?

(Yesterday was my dog's birthday.  We walked on the beach for over an hour.  He found this fun little cave and plopped himself inside.  View at your own risk...you might fall in love with him.)

EIGHT pounds.

Today marks three weeks of über-consciousness about food and calorie banking trade-offs.  The result is EIGHT pounds gone as of this morning. And yes, I did emphasize EIGHT.

EIGHT.

The word EIGHT takes me back to college…in the days when the emphasis on one word could make everyone in the room laugh for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  EIGHT makes me remember long nights talking and listening to music…being comfortable in my body…my much smaller body that moved so well.  EIGHT reminds me of that stupid line in Jerry Maguire about the human head.  Boo.

So, here I am thrilled with my loss of EIGHT pounds.  I’m absolutely delighted that my hips don’t ache this morning. Instead of waiting for the mail person to pick up my post, I am walking to the mailbox.  Then I’m going to walk a bit more just to get one in for today.  Working will eat up the rest of the day and evening (with a little Tour de France action thrown in for spice). Gonna need to get on my bike at some point.

The other day my husband mentioned that our friends from Italy are coming in September.  They want to go for a hike…a thought that might have paralyzed me a few weeks ago.  But when he said, “Do you want to do that?” I immediately said yes!  Because I really do!  And I want to take the practice hikes.

Last night I dreamed of returning to yoga class.  I dreamed I was inverted and laughing (probably not a good idea) and that I actually planked from downward dog.  I know that is a dream now…but give it a few months.  I am going to spend the summer losing weight by being outdoors on my bike, walking, hiking, and being conscious of intake.  Then I am getting myself back to yoga (I love my instructor). I want to feel as though yoga asanas are possible...not like I am flailing around miserably.  Pilates, my joy, is temporarily too difficult for me, but I'm taking baby steps in regaining that sort of core strength, too. It's all about increments...

My husband wants in on the weight loss action now (just like when I did Nutrisystem…he watched me lose the first 25 then hopped on the bandwagon and blew by me in a nanosecond…kinda irritating, don’t you think?).  I fully support his effort to change, too.  But I’m not getting sidetracked this time. I can't put his goals in front of mine.  We have to do this independently/simultaneously. Possible?  We'll see.

So, EIGHT down, many more to go.  Booyah.

Social Triggers

I am a social animal.  I love spending time with friends eating, drinking, playing games – if it’s on, I’m in.  However, social outings almost always mean overeating for me.  This past weekend was a real challenge, but I definitely won this round.

Friday was my son’s 20^th birthday.  We decided to have a day in Golden Gate Park.  I knew we’d be walking lots, so I didn’t feel guilty when we started the day with waffles.  I made them and I ate two with a tiny bit of butter and some berry sauce.  We parked in GG Park, walked to the California Academy of Sciences and spent several hours touring all of the new exhibits.  When we stopped for lunch my son and I shared vegetarian spring rolls. Outside again, we all decided to walk around near the band shell.  We shared a soft pretzel three ways (wahoo!) and then walked over to the rose garden and smelled every rose, each choosing our favorite. I must say that I miss the smell of old growth roses – so fragrant and strong. Anyway, we went to Tacubaya in Berkeley for tortilla soup and came home for dessert which was homemade fruit crisp from a recipe a friend cut out of the paper exactly 20 years ago. Seems like a ton of food, right?  I certainly wasn’t hungry all day.  But the fact is I came in 556 calories below my allowance because of the simple act of moving!

Saturday I flew around getting things ready for my son’s birthday party with friends.  Mostly I was baking.  Pies for a dinner party I was attending and the annual theme cake for Collier’s birthday.  This year he has gotten into bouldering (rock climbing) so I decided to make a bouldering wall for his cake. It was quite the construction piece, but it came out well.  I ate some meat on the fly(but not with flies) for both breakfast and lunch and then, when I got to the dinner party I had some wine, ate veggie appetizers, had ravioli, salad with breaded chicken, bread, and pie…then I came home and ate some BBQ potato chips.  Bad, right?  No.  I was 105 calories under my allowance.  I had exercised enough to allow for desserts and snacks.  Plus, I was conscious of my portions.

Sunday my husband and I had to catch up on le Tour de France.  We had two days awaiting viewing.  I am a huge Le Tour fan (PETER SAGAN!) and can intelligently discuss bike racing.  However, I am not a bike racer…I am a sitter-on-the-coucher.  I did a little bit of housework – laundry, sweeping and the like – and then plopped on the couchie to watch all those men peddle away.  We decided to have our neighbors over for dinner to thank them for taking our dog on party night and chose London broil, grilled artichokes, three bean salad, cake, and wine for dinner.  Again, a social food thing.  But I was 326 calories short for the day and there was no way I could eat another bite!

Today I rode my bike for a bit, walked the dog, and worked.  There were some interesting mother-in-law moments that before might have driven me straight to the fridge.  But something has changed within me this time.  I just sat down to write this instead. I am very pleased.

Conscious and Accountable

Sixteen days have had a tremendous impact on my health and well-being.  I have lost 6.5 pounds without being hungry even one time.  I have started to learn to “bank” calories against exercise. My hips don’t hurt when I sleep.  I have come back from the precipice of waddling instead of walking. Could 6.5 pounds make that much difference?  Could being conscious and accountable really change so much so quickly?

I look at what I just wrote and think back over 30 years of dieting.  I guarantee you that I wasn’t worried about my hips hurting in my sleep or whether or not I waddled when I walked. I was worried about looking good in the new outfit with the hot shoes.  Believe me, it was all about appearance.  Now, in my second half century, I am concerned with the quality my life will have as I age.  I want to be walking around when I am 100.  I want to have a strong mind and memory.  It would be great to be healthy and active until then. I’d like to travel with my family.  I’d like to see how my son shapes his future. I’d like to hike the Pacific Rim Trail with my husband (in tiny distances with lots of hotel stays -= in case you’re reading this, EvBo).  I’d really like to be an active Grandma (some day, not too soon ;-)).  So I started changing my habits now.

A couple of months ago I had the usual battery of blood tests for a physical.  ALL of them were in the healthy range.  Even my thyroid (medicated though it is) was performing well.  So, I guess there was no blaming the fat on an underactive thyroid, eh? It had to be something else and I had to make changes while I was healthy…not after something went wrong and I was back peddling to regain health.  So, right then and there, I mentally committed to changing my evil ways.  It took a bit longer to get all of me on board with the changes...but I am there now!

So here’s what I think is working this time:

·         I am doing this for health

·         I am doing this for me

·         I am actually doing this

In a future blog I’m going to talk about all of the crazy diets that worked for me…and the dismal lack of follow-up I demonstrated to keep the weight off. Should be entertaining!

Tomorrow is my son’s 20^th birthday.  We are going to San Francisco and we’ll be walking around all day.  I will be able to do that without complaining.  Yay! Losing weight is turning out to be a gift for everyone.

Here are two of my favorite reasons for EVERYTHING!

Casper’s, why can’t I quit you?

Oh, Casper’s hot dogs with your yummy steamed buns…why are you so delicious?  Why are you full of salty goodness?  Why do I continue to say yes to you each time we meet?  Why can I not just have one of you?  Why must it always be two?

Generally, hot dogs do nothing for me.  But Casper’s hot dogs are not only a Bay Area tradition, they are the yummiest entrails on the planet.  I love ’em.  My favorite is the mustard dog...yellow mustard, tomatoes, onions...all nestled in a squishy bun around a tasty dog.  My husband was popping out on the moped today while I was talking to a client and he mouthed, “Casper’s?”  Like one of Pavlov's dogs, he had me at "Casper's."

I did my online calorie search to see if I’d be able to eat Casper’s with today’s level of activity.  Well, two Casper’s dogs are 950 calories.  I ate them(oh, yes, I did!), so I owe my “bank.”  Nothing like debt to encourage a little gardening effort.  Yummy Casper’s = WIN.  Knowing = WIN.  Gardening = WIN.

Super easy.

BTW, thanks to my son who is digging out all the stubborn weeds.  You’re my favorite.

Playtime!

Today I woke up sore all over and, oddly, really happy about it!  Yesterday I got to jump on a trampoline for the first time in a very long time and it was FUN!  Jumping up and down, landing, falling, being bounced around…it was exercise, but not once did it feel like work.  I realized, once again, that when exercise is fun it is really easy to do it.  There was no convincing myself to climb into the trampoline – in fact, I don’t think I could have been kept out of it!  I imagine I was quite a sight bouncing around in the trampoline cage, but I couldn’t stop laughing.  My husband is still laughing about my Olympic landing…I “stuck” it!

I feel fantastic. I was a bit sore and stiff this morning, but that soon dissipated and the result was a kind of floating feeling all day.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could all go out and play?  There are some trampoline parks in the Bay Area now…I already have tickets for one and I think I might make it a regular outing.  The best part is that I didn’t have to be an athlete to jump on a trampoline.  I just had to set aside my self-consciousness and let go!

I miss being a kid.  We used to ride our bicycles almost every day of the summer and most other weekends.  Our neighborhood was hilly and we used to make up these riding games that included riding without touching the handlebars or brakes…while speeding downhill and making turns by leaning into them.  We would also ride over the hills to pick fresh fruit, and go to the lake where we would ride some more.  That was fun!  Other times we would climb the steep hills and slide down them on refrigerator boxes…then we’d do it again!  We walked to the store down steep hills just to get an ice drink, then we’d walk back home.  Funny how fitness wasn’t a thought, just a way of life.

So, on errands today I deliberately parked far from the store entrance.  I came home and gladly did housework and laundry (hey, that counts!), and I ate thoughtfully.  It feels good to feel better.

Side note:  If you are regularly reading my blog, I just added a “Blubber Blabber Fans” button for followers.  It would be great to know who is reading it!  Thanks!

Boot Camp?

This morning I went for a 2.5 mile fast walk with a friend.  We try to meet at least once a week. In the winter we are two of few exercisers, but come spring and summer the park is alive with runners, walkers, jogging mommies, and the newest addition, Boot Camp.

It is inspiring to watch a group of women exercise outdoors…until the leader starts barking commands at them. “Get into full plank.  Hold it!  Yeah, it hurts.  Hold it. Now low jacks!  20 of ‘em.  FASTER!”  I get it.  The women in the group are paying for a Jillian Michaels-esque workout experience.  They look pretty good.  However, no one is smiling. They all looked exercise obsessed.  I am sure they look fantastic in bikinis and have tight, high butts, but those frown lines!

I have been an exercise instructor many times in my life.  In the 70s/80s I taught high impact aerobics.  There was music, lots of reps, lots of sweat, and people smiled in class.  They groaned, but they were happy to be there!  Twenty years later when I taught Step and Pilates, I had loyal followers who came for the tough workout and the fun. It was enough to want to exercise and have a positive instructor – and we were all really fit! It was a gentler time, apparently.  I guess now you have to get yelled at to get the flab off?

I’m not buying it.  I guarantee you that if I were on The Biggest Loser and one of the instructors started yelling at me I would walk away or just start screaming back at them.  I’m not a wimp, but I just don’t respond to abusive behavior as motivation.

So what’s going to be my physical fitness goal?  Well, at this time in my life, I’d like to feel really good in my body.  I like hopping on my bicycle to go somewhere. Lately I have ridden to do bits of grocery shopping, run errands, and go downtown.  Hiking seems like it might be fun again.  I like walking and do lots of it. However, I’d like to do more. (In Greece. To see ancient ruins. Hint, hint, Husband.) I’d like to restart my yoga practice with a body that will move flexibly.  I really want to get back into Pilates.  I want to dance for hours like I used to in the 80s.  Mostly, I want to feel like whatever I want to do I can do.  There’s that CAN again!

Can't.

It has already started. Announcing my intention to lose weight and get more fit by way of this blog has already launched the well-meaning support team. While I love the support and commentary, I am not enjoying, “Do you want some of this? Oh no, you can’t eat that.”  I beg your pardon?  What can’t I eat? Recently, in a joking manner, someone commented, “I’m going to tell everyone on your blog that I saw you eat two cobs of corn with butter!”  I know it was a joke.  I know it was good-natured ribbing.  But there’s a little part of me that was really irritated…as if my choices hadn’t been considered.  It made me really defensive. It also made me recognize a personal trigger.

I have made many, many mistakes when it comes to my personal health with regard to eating and exercise.  I have tried many diets.  The biggest mistake I think I have made repeatedly is coming from a position of “can’t.” Think about that for a second. Does anyone really like being told what to do? I’m not talking about instruction…I’m talking about being limited.

I do not like being told what I can and cannot do…shocking, right? (Friends and family are rolling on the floor about now…)  This may explain why I chose the rocky road of self-employment or why I enjoy teaching exercise classes (which I haven’t done for several years now) instead of taking them.  It could just be that I’m headstrong. It could also be because I question so many things.  One thing I do know for certain: when I am told I “can’t” I become determined to do that very thing.  So when it comes to food, “can’t” unleashes bad behavior and irresponsible eating. The question is, against whom am I retaliating?

It’s clear that others are just making an effort to be considerate and not tempt me with excess calories.  However, I’m a big girl (ha!) and I am capable of making my own eating decisions. For instance, I like salt.  If I could wear a salt lick I probably would. However, my ankles retain fluid. So when I overindulge in salty things I compensate with increased water intake.  This is a habit.  Something I always practice. 

Food has been another issue.  Somehow I seem to think I can “bank” exercise or calories for later.  Nope.  I’ve proven that approach doesn’t work for me. So now, because it works for me personally, I run a food calculator for each day.  (If you’re interested you can easily find one on the web, but good ones are www.livestrong.com/thedailyplate/, www.LoseIt.com, www.freedieting.com, www.myfitnesspal.com) I am allotted a certain number of calories to consume per day based on my current weight and activity level, and for my personal weight loss goal. If I am going to have a sedentary day due to my workload, I stick very close to the allotment.  On the other hand, if I am going to have lots of activity, I am able to adjust the number of calories I consume based on the amount of energy I expend. (This is a good site for calculating energy expended: http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc) This daily accounting has resulted in the gradual loss of my first 5 pounds…and the easing of a couple of waistbands.  I think that’s worth the effort.

So, here’s the deal:  I’m going to do my thing and I am happy to share.  But this time I CAN eat anything I want and I MUST be responsible for my choices.  You can, too.  Yay!

There is no finish line

Once when I was on vacation, there was a poster on the wall behind the treadmill in the hotel gym featuring a runner who was clearly at the end of the day’s run.  The slogan was: 

THERE IS NO FINISH LINE.

I loved reading that and I think about it often.  I love knowing that every day I practice exercising – no matter what that exercise is - is one more day in my HABIT of exercising.  I love knowing that each day of healthy eating is a choice I will continue to make daily – for the rest of my life.  I like to ponder what that means in the grand scheme of things – it means being conscious…really awake.  It means saying no to excessive eating and drinking.  It means recognizing when boredom or anxiety has me reaching for the seriously over-salted, butter-drenched vat of popcorn.  It means reducing the stress level in my life through healthy, loving relationships, and work I enjoy. It means walking, taking a distant parking spot, moving more and sitting less.

Today our family went to a community 4^th of July parade.  We parked up a hill, walked to watch the parade, stood for over an hour watching and socializing, then strolled down to the park.  We walked around a bit and ran into others we knew, then my husband asked if we were hungry.  I really thought about it.  I wasn’t hungry yet.  It smelled great, but I just wasn’t interested in eating.  I had a small piece of watermelon while he had a burger.  Right about then the band started to play and we went down to dance!  Only 15 minutes, but more than we have for a while.  Very fun.  We walked back to the car.  After calculating all the calories used, I ended up with 614 calorie credits for the day!

I would not always have appreciated that slogan as much as now.  I have felt overwhelmed and a little defeated.  I might have thought that perhaps it was too monumental a task…because I wanted to do it all at once.  However, now I know – from my previous successes and failures with weight loss – that no one can accomplish everything all at once.  It’s always going to be one step, one moment, one day at a time.  As long as it’s a forward motion we will keep achieving our goals.

What I know and embrace now is that there is no finish line.  And for this I am truly grateful.

Starting here. Starting now.

I don't think there has been a day in my adult life when I have not contemplated my weight. As a teenager I felt larger than everyone I knew.  That was just a perception issue since I went to school with a bunch of petite girls and I am descended of hardy peasant stock.  I was taller and bigger boned, but not overweight. By the time I was in college I was teaching aerobics and was as fit as possible.  Still I worried about my weight. Size 8. No flab. Tiny waist. Defined muscles. Go figure.

Fast forward to present day...increasingly sedentary jobs, fewer active friends, less personal motivation to get my weight in line, yo-yo dieting, computer.  A recipe for disaster! I am currently a size 18. 

Here are some things I have learned about losing weight that are certainties:

• Saying this prayer: "Dear Universe, please let me wake up a size 8 again.  If I do, I vow that I will never, never, EVER go over the appropriate calorie limit for that size and weight for the rest of my life," DOES NOT WORK.  Boo.
• Watching exercise videos doesn't actually count as exercise.
• Not eating enough is as bad as eating too much.
• Every diet works. The problem is after the diet. The problem is ME.
• I can be at a healthy weight, fit, and active again now and for the rest of my life.

I am starting here.  Now.  Come with me on this journey.