Dear Sugar: We need to talk…

Sugar, we have been virtually inseparable for 55 years. You have been there when I craved tasty, sweet morsels of delight…you helped me learn to love coffee…sweetened my saddest days with delicious pints of Ben & Jerry’s. You have been the best. But, Sugar, we have to have a serious talk. Yes, that talk.

About 6 weeks ago I eliminated you from my coffee and eschewed your added presence in my food. I’m not sure I was even conscious that I had left you…I was just trying to stick to my food plan. Honestly, I didn’t mean for it to be that abrupt...you’ve been there for me and I should have let you down easy. For two weeks I was without you and, oddly, I did not miss you. Then I took a week off from my eating plan, but still, I did not crave your sweet taste. So, I went back on my plan for another two weeks…five whole weeks without you and I lost almost 20 pounds. I am not blaming you for that 20 pounds, I am merely suggesting that you contributed.

But my birthday was lurking around the corner and I couldn’t imagine a celebration without you! We’d had such a blast on all the other ones! We could party all day and night and through the following days. You’d come over in the shape of a deliciously frosted cake and we would hang out until you were ­all gone. Every single morsel. I loved you. I craved you. OMG, I wanted to spread your frostinged self all over everything! So, I ordered the giant butter cream frosted Costco cake. The one with the maximum frosting, you know, the caterpillar! Globs of buttery sweetness just waiting to be scarfed. No one would dare claim a super-frosted bit of cake. I negotiated with Collier to take part of the cake immediately to his workplace. I then got to work on justifying eating the majority of the frosting. “Oh, I’ll just eat frosting, no cake. I don’t like the cake much anyway.”  SUGAR! You siren! You were luring me to the reef of destruction!

In a moment of extreme strength, I called Costco and cancelled you. That’s right. I made a decision to save myself. But that wasn’t enough of a hint for you. No. You couldn’t take it that I was choosing to avoid you. So you showed up in those blondies that Collier made. Damn you, Sugar! I ate three of you and…OMG…the love came flooding back. Yeah, I know you were wrong, but I forgave you. I took you back. You tasted amazing in your warm, gooey goodness all dribbled with caramel. I remembered all the good times. And then I got a massive stomach ache and headache. I knew it. I just knew it. That’s it. We’re through.

And then the birthday arrived. I tried to avoid you, but I got sadder and sadder as the day progressed. Finally I caved and bought you in the form of über-frosted cupcakes in horrid neon colors. Tiny cupcakes. I ate 3 of you. Smooth, creamy, delicious. OK. Maybe we don’t have to completely stop seeing each other. Maybe we can hang out a bit. Maybe you can dress up like a Jujy Fruit or a chocolate mousse? NOOOOOOO! You made me sick to my stomach. On my birthday! I hate you!

It’s probably going to be like this for awhile until it sinks in that we’re actually through. You can come to my parties, but our co-dependent relationship is over. I’ll always think you’re beautiful, but I have a real relationship now…with my healthier self.